For years I have struggled to accept myself for who I am. I have hidden my difficulties and tried my hardest to smile and act happy every single day while inside my mind is screaming at me.

I spent years hiding my anxiety, my depression and my OCD.

I didn't want to admit to myself that I was struggling, to me no one else struggled with anything. Everyone I knew was happy, bubbly and always in a good mood. I thought there was something wrong with me. That I was different.

I felt ashamed, weak, hating myself for my thoughts.

I hid it to the point where I made myself ill. My depression was declining, my OCD was becoming more dominant and life controlling that I could no longer hide it from my family. My anxiety was at a full time high that I could honestly hear and feel my heart thumping through my chest.

I confessed all one night to my Husband. I hadn't slept properly for ages. I was at breaking point.

Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly) my Husband new I wasn't well but he was waiting for me to admit I needed help. He had tried asking me several times before but I abruptly shut him out. I felt really bad.

Along with my hubby I arranged to see the GP. He was rubbish. He told me to contact an online counsellor then all would be well. I did as I was told. I had 4 counselling sessions via email. It made no difference to me what so ever.

I went back to the GP again and this time I asked to see a GP who had experience with mental health (I felt so embarrassed).

However in being honest I was seen by a GP who listened, who offered me tissues when I cried, who went well over his time with me but made no attempt to move me.

He did suggest I see a counsellor but face to face and he prescribed me with anti depressants and signed me off work until I felt I could go back.

After a few weeks I felt an improvement in my thoughts. The instant panic feeling started subsiding. I started writing a diary and started talking to my family about my difficulties. I was able to open up about the way I felt. It was hard at first, but after time it became easier. I didn't see a counsellor as the waiting list was so long I never received an appointment.

A few years down the line and I am still take anti depressants, I still have anxiety, OCD and bouts of depression but not half as bad as it used to be. I am open and will talk honestly about my mental health to anyone and everyone. I have accepted my quirks, I am who I am!

If you feel alone please remember you are not. There are hundreds of people out there that are suffering too, just because you can't see it, it doesn't mean behind those smiles people are ok.

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