Dealing with loss is such a traumatic thing, the first few days/ weeks are an emotional rollercoaster of emotions and a massive blur, you ha...

Dealing with loss as a parent.

By March 22, 2023

Dealing with loss is such a traumatic thing, the first few days/ weeks are an emotional rollercoaster of emotions and a massive blur, you have a million people to tell a million things to sort but your also a parent and only a human!

Telling your children about a loss is no easy task and one you think you won't have to do until they are alot older but sometimes the universe has other plans for your loved ones and then the task begins.

Sit your children down and be as open and honest as you can, try be very blunt and not go into massive details so they understand more, Death won't be anything they have dealt with before. I personally sat my children down and told them that daddy had gone to heaven and he wasn't coming back, daddy is now a star in the sky but he is always with you in your heart.

Alot of older children may ask questions about how or why and it's important to be honest about it and explain what happens next like talk about a funeral or memorial to remember the person.

Grief is different for all people and all ages especially children, you may find younger children will cry one minute and be absolutely fine the next and it's not to say they aren't bothered by it but they aren't in a pool of grief like us adults are, children dip in and out like puddle jumping and for them it's a very normal and very healthy way to grieve. Although you have to 'get on' with parenting it's okay to show your emotions, crying is okay and you should explain that to your children too, it's a normal part of loss and being sad is okay.

Remember to take time for yourself, I'm sure you will be surrounded with love and support from people and my advice is to take it! Don't turn down a cooked meal or a babysitter, you need time to grieve your own way too and even if it's 10 minutes to have a shower by yourself or wash your hair take up the offers from people, it will take a whole load of stress off you and let yourself be you for a while.

After the first few days the hurdle comes for planning a funeral/ memorial or wake, you will need to register the death of your loved one (this takes about an hour so I'd advise not to take children with you) , after that you can choose a funeral director of your choice and find a plan suitable to you. Keep in mind that help Is available from DWP and a Go Fund Me is a good idea for help with funds too! Don't feel bad for asking for help if you need it!

Children can help with funeral plans maybe choosing music or readings they like, choosing their loved ones clothes to wear or maybe even drawing a picture to be placed inside the coffin. Try not to let them feel left out as this is a huge thing for them to understand and deal with too.

Give your child the option of attending the funeral, some children say it helps with closure and to say goodbye if the death was sudden. There is no age limit for a funeral and all children are welcome to attend. If they are skeptical you can always take them to the funeral venue/crematorium to show them where it is being held and what will happen.

The day of the funeral will be full of heartache and sadness and there will be lots of tears, if your children aren't coming think about childcare and also how they will feel on the day too so your not rushing about to do school pick ups or nappy changes. 

Although the hard work is over the feelings don't just magically vanish with it, some days will be extremely hard for you and for your children and it may affect their/your sleep, school/work or even friendships so try to prepare for big changes and don't let it get to you too much, children seem to bounce back very quickly.

Overall just go easy on yourself, loosing a loved one is traumatic and you are only human, know your loved ones are at peace and you may see them again one day x

If you need any help with breavement you can visit Nelsons Journey, DWP -breavement, NHS, Cruse Breavement or even Widowed and Young

I hope that this article helps and I Love to you all x

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